Thanks everyone! I talked to my sponsor about the issue I was having with some program folks and we discussed that it was the exact reason why she stopped going to my Friday night meeting. But, we did talk about the people who are there who have good recovery programs and she suggested a better meeting for me, if I could find the time in my week.
Oh, and to answer everyone's questions: yes, I grew up in an ACOA home AND when I was 13 my younger sister was diagnosed with leukemia and our home life really got turned upside down from that. Not her fault, not anybody's fault, just that it left me unsupported in so many ways for 3-4 years of my teen life and I didn't 'see' it as a problem until I was an adult. Too much to talk about here, but let's just say that it sucks when a young child is critically ill. Everyone hurts.
A few days ago, I came home from grocery shopping to hear my RAH yelling at my son. I started shaking and my legs got like jello and then I stood in the doorway listening. He wasn't yelling AT my son, he was yelling at my son ABOUT what was on TV and about the government. What threw me off was my own physical reaction to his yelling. That one incident made me realize that what Hawkeye said was true. I live in a place that is emotionally dangerous and I have no idea how long it will be before I can hear RAH yelling and not have a physical reaction. I don't think my body has a shut off valve or a button that says disengage.
I am just, once again, frustrated with myself for being so hyped up and touchy and sensitive. The good news is: I have had a friend come back into my life, after I made my 9th step amends to her and she asked to be friends again(after 5 years of not speaking to each other via my own choice), and I have realized that she is not a safe person for me. I have kept her at a distance and limit my communication with her and I've been very honest with her and telling her that things will be different this time around. She doesn't seem to like the new me as much because I call her out on her attitude and her complaining. Anyway, my interactions with her have shown me that I have grown and that I am learning to set boundaries, in certain situations and with other difficult people. I just can't seem to do it with my RAH, probably because I'm too close to the situation at hand.