Searching Peace
I am really sorry for the struggles and pain you feel right now.
I am not sure what state you live in but in my state even if the opposing party fails to respond to papers or misses the first court date they can still appear within 90 days and the court will still listen. The judges allow leniency because they understand there are situations like this and before they make a decision they absolutely want to hear from both parties.
My STBX actually picked up LS papers at my attorneys office (to avoid humiliation of being served), didn't respond to original docs, didn't show up, was served notice of default and still didn't show up which meant he was in default. My attorney told me that even in default he had 90 days. We waited and after 90 days we finalized papers without him and yet he still has one full year from the date we finalized to ask the court to set aside the judgement and ask for reconsideration. However the longer time goes on afterwards and the more things that have been done as ordered by the court, the less chance a judge will listen but in the first 90 days they will most often accept a good reason why you did not appear. I would think that a good reason would be you are a victim and scared.
As the others said above, contact a DV center and go to them right away. They will likely have an attorney or a legal advocate that can help you settle some of this right away.
When I first left, the number of things to do and looking at the future was so scary. It was suggested that I keep a list but each day right down just a few or the thing most important and deal with them because looking at all of it was too much but doing a few things each day would help me to know I did have some power.
Getting started is hard but once you do you will feel your power coming back.