Originally Posted by
Combakkid 
Thank you! I am so confused and lost and not sure what to do or where to go from here. There are times when I am prepared to leave and be done and then I catch a glimpse of the real husband and continue to stick it out. It is truly mind boggling and I just sit here gathering all the knowledge and I can and just think "now what"?
Welcome to SR, Combakkid. As you read your way thru the forum here, you'll see posts by other people who have experienced that sense of 2 different people, the good, sober, "real" person and the uncaring, often abusive, drunk person. What everyone comes to realize in time is that
this is all the same person. The guy that apologizes in the AM for his out-of-control actions the night before, the guy promising to never do this again, is the same guy as the one who comes home that same night hours late, roaring drunk, spewing insults and abuse. One guy. The same guy.
Reading here, making sure not to miss the stickies at the top of the page, will help you see your situation more clearly. So many here have been in your shoes, and you can learn a lot from their struggles and victories. I'd also like to recommend Alanon to you. For me, the combination of SR online and Alanon for face-to-face contact has been working well, and you may find the same.
You CAN find your way thru this, and you CAN have the life you want. Keep the focus on you and your kids. Keep posting, keep reading.
Wishing you strength and clarity.