I'm sorry you're dealing with what you're dealing with, but I'm really glad you found us! Your situation sounds very similar to my marriage to an alcoholic. Down to the charming and lovely at work and Mr. Hyde at home.
You've done great to see through his verbal abuse and realize that it really isn't your fault, any of it. Alcoholics? They drink because they drink. I recognize the blame shifting -- mine used to say he drank because dinners was overcooked (or the same thing we had last week), because I was fat, because the kids were fighting, because his boss was an a$$, because he got a promotion and wanted to celebrate, because he didn't get a promotion and was sad, because the lady at the post office looked at him the wrong way... it was always someone else's fault that he had to drink. There's a bad joke with some truth to it -- that alcoholics only drink on days that have the letter Y in them...
There's a lot of good information here. A lot of good people who have been where you are and can share their experiences. Just know that regardless of how you feel right now, your situation is not hopeless.
And know, like dandylion said, that you don't deserve any of the abuse he's heaping on you. I've been there. Walked on eggshells not to set him off. Twisted myself into a pretzel to please him and to prevent him from drinking or flying off the handle. It's a horrible, hard, difficult way to live. And the fact that you in that situation can see through his attempts at putting it all on you -- that means you are a strong woman. Even if you don't feel like it.