Well, Cathy, I admire your enthusiasm with your brief time thus far in recovery.
I too felt like I had to tell some folks about some things because it was eating at me, the first year I was in recovery. So I did. I guess the difference with me is that none of the recipients in my case were relatives or close friends.
You figured out yourself how this happened (you followed your remorse instead of following the Steps). Now you want to try to get through this in one piece. You will.
It is done. You can pat yourself on the back for apologizing, even if the timing or the delivery may not have been ideal. You have absolutely no control over how anyone reacts to what you say to them, other than trying to be delicate or diplomatic in the delivery. I think what you could try to think about is your ability to carry out the apology, and compare that to how you were before sobriety. Isn't that a good thing? Yes. Didn't you just scratch a couple of persons off your Step 9 list for amends? Yes, and that is positive too. Now your baggage has become lighter. The lighter the baggage, the easier the trip becomes. Right?
Seems to me one strength you may have is that you are getting some things done. Use that strength to plan your recovery. Getting things done is a necessary skill, and you have it. Now go look at your recovery plan. This situation is an opportunity for you to grow. Your sister has had the apology, that is your payment to her, she gets to spend it as she wishes. If I give someone a dollar, I can't put strings on it, they can spend it as they wish. Perhaps she has unresolved anger, but that is not your problem. Understandable, perhaps, but not your problem.
Maybe tell her when she is trashing you that she sounds like she is angry. If she admits she is, then you can tell her she has a right to feel angry but you are asking her to accept your apology. Of course she could say "no", but most folks, when faced with this request, will accept the apology and start to try to figure out what they will do with all that anger they have in their back pocket. That process will get her to focus on her anger instead of trashing you.
:nose
:slaphead