Hey Mastrik,
I care how your doing. Congrats on the 5 months...Wish I was there. I can deffinately relate to you problems with the whole HP concept. I get hung up on this alot (being a former millitant agnostic) My current concept of my HP is similar to what you were saying about your inner spirit. I'm partial to eastern philosophy myself anf what works for me is accepting that the force inside of me is not mine as it is part of a greater entity and it is in everyone and everything. What has allways had me hung up before was confusing religion with spirituality. I am not now nor will I ever be a "religious" person. In my oppinion, religion gets in the way of true spirituality, for me. I have allways over-analized and over-intellectualized this conundrum. I have allways been quick to point out reasons why I couldn't believe this or that instead of just stopping and looking at all the miracles going on in my life. For this addict, a day without getting loaded is a miricle in itself. The new relationships I am deveolping where people I have just barely met actually care about whats going on in my life is a miracle. This program is a miracle. My relationship with my sposor is a miracle, etc... I can't explain alot of the stuff that happens in my life and I have stopped trying to. I'm along for the ride and where I end up is where I end up. Not sure if any of this rambling makes sense to anyone else, but it makes sense to me, today, and that's what matters.
-Blake