Mango blast

That statement is a part of the disease. Keeping quiet, keeping secrets, not shining a light on things, keeping you and him isolated from others. I don't go into details with others that I don't need to, but I also don't keep secrets. As my recovery strengthens, it's easier to be honest, but also not to get drawn into the drama of the details. Baby steps, one day at a time, easy does it. We learn by doing. As I work on myself I become aware of the times I'm being silent or oversharing and can learn from it. Not from someone else (the A, friends/family) telling me what I should or shouldn't be doing. It's hard to get rid of all those voices that echo in my head, but I'm learning to trust my own instincts and it's okay if I mess up from time to time.

How long has he been completely sober? Let him work his own recovery, rejoice in each day he's sober and let him find his own way. He'll be learning also, what's working or what's not. If our A's recovery isn't working for them, they'll be finding that out soon enough. My husband went through two rehabs in the past 7 months, with relapsing in between. It's been hard stepping aside, and only possible by continually working on myself (and finding out now how badly I need it!!) but I also see now how important that he find his own way through this. Our doctor taught me that instead of looking at it as 'He's drinking already again and it's only been two weeks!" to celebrate the fact that he just spent two weeks sober. When he relapsed after the first rehab, I was able to see what a wonderful thing it was that he had spent 3 1/2 months sober. It also gave us a break from the alcohol and to see more underlying issues that the alcohol was covering up. With each relapse, his AND mine, there's been more to learn.

You're important, too. What are you doing for your own recovery? Are you cutting these people out because of him, or because they're unhealthy for you right now?