In no way am I making "light" of your situation. I think that sometimes we are so disgusted with what we are dealing with, that we at times tend to project this to another person. I get all of that. Your H blamed you, then MIL backed him up. Thats what mothers do. Not me though.
I can understand the animosity. I really can.
I took poison for so long hoping some one else would die from it, until I realized that it was killing me.
I had to learn, let go, let God.
Still don't understand that, but most times it works for me.
Pls note I am going thru a really bad period right now, and I am hoping that this is helpful, and not hurtful.
((((((((((hugs)))))))))