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My husband is an alcoholic and pill addict.
We have been married for 2 yrs. This is my second marriage. I have 2 children from my previous marriage. We have no children together.
I didn't find out about his addiction until 2 months into our marriage. I am not a dummy. I know what addiction looks like. He hid it unbelievably well. He was never "drunk" He never came home staggering. He went to work every day. He never hit me or my kids. He was never verbally abusive. He was very loving and attentive to me and my kids. It was all very secretive except for the glass of wine with dinner or occasional social outing.
One day I found him passed out on our bed and went through his phone...weird messages about "30s" I was at work and I demanded the password to his checking and savings. I had put $18K from a credit card check into his savings to pay for our wedding. I was floored at the stops at the liquor stores. Most of the $18K was gone...stolen...given to his addiction.
He went to outpatient treatment, went to a few AA meetings. He couldn't stay sober.
4 months into our marriage, I kicked him out. He went to inpatient for 2 nights and then came home and had been sober for ~600 days.
On Thursday I thought I smelled beer on him when he got home from work. I brushed it off but an hr later I still smelled it and made him use the breathalyzer. He blew a .02 He says that he had 4 drinks (vodka nips, his drink of choice) over 4 days in the past 2 wks. He wanted to see if he could have just one. He wanted to see if he could "fit in" socially. He deliberately saved up the change from being the coffee runner at work and that's what he used to pay for his alcohol. He "swears" that there were no other times in between and that he didn't "crave" a drink. He just wanted to see if he was "normal"
afaik, he's sober from the pills. Nothing I can find financially that he is able to pay for them.
I don't know what to do. I am in huge credit card debt because of his addiction. I can't ever trust him with my kids anymore. I have no idea when he is lying to me.
I told him it was over but then I changed my mind and told him I needed to think things over and not make a rash decision. He literally has no where to go. He isolated himself from the few friends he had when he started his sobriety. His parents and sister live across the country.
I am trying to put my kids first. What would happen if my ex-husband found out? I would lose my kids so fast. My kids have no idea about his addiction.
The past few days I've had to put on a happy face because all the kids were with us and we had a graduation party and family yard sale. Now that it's just the 2 of us tonight, I am so angry. I have nothing to say to him and that is making him crazy.
I want to end this marriage but he's telling me this is just a stumble. I'm not sure if I can do this every few weeks/months/years. This is a lifetime struggle that I was not made aware of when we married.
I went to one al-anon meeting when I first found out 2 yrs ago. It was too faith-based for me but I'm willing to try again.
The only thing he has done was make an appt with his therapist. He hasn't reached out to attend AA.
To make matters worse, we are leaving for a big family vacation very soon. His sister and her family are coming with us.
I've reached out to my mom and a few friends but only one was married to an addict...he died of an overdose. No one knows what to say.
Sorry this is so long. Any words of wisdom would be very helpful right now.
Thank you,
k