I relapsed for a long time before getting Sober, round and round in circles I went and it was frustrating, so I understand it from both sides, I also was a family member looking in on an alcoholic, so I understand the parallels.
I think it is right to expect change or something different in the person, as trying and putting the effort in should always be welcomed, but also we need to be careful about demoralising someone further, which could result in the person giving up.