The truth is our "relapses" are not harmless . . .
I spent an early part of this month with my family visiting my parents at their home. My mother is an alcoholic. She is very careful to stay somewhat "in control" when we are visiting her, but when we are not there, all bets are off. She was in an obvious bender last week which culminated in an 8:30 am phone call conversation that I had with her on Friday, in which she was so drunk, she couldn't string a sentence together.
Today, I spoke with her and she was sober and apologetic. She said that she "relapsed" but she is working on her problem. I have my own issues with alcohol, so I am forgiving, but I don't forget. I can't. I have children who can be affected by her. They are her grandchildren. My eldest child is headed to college for the first time in a few weeks and I am all over the map with my own emotions and needs, yet once again her drunk antics have been added to my worry list. I don't deserve that.
I have a list in my sobriety journal of every stupid, dangerous, sickening behavior I pulled when I was drunk. That list comprises the most shameful moments of my life, hands down. I have no problem recalling every single one of them and they fill my heart with shame and turn my face red, even though some of these events are decades past. I have forgiven myself. I have to, in order to get better and stay better. But I don't forget them, and I doubt seriously that the people who love me and who were with me, forget those episodes either.
Yes, relapses happen. And yes, we have to move on and get back up. But don't think for a minute that your relapses happen in a vacuum. When you relapse, you are dashing the hopes and dreams of the people who care about you and you are adding another obstacle to the repair of the relationship. And when I read the Friends and Family forum here at SR, I completely empathize with the people who finally have to let their alcoholic go, for their own sanity.
Coming from both sides of the coin, I just don't think relapses are something to take lightly. There comes a time in our alcoholic story that bygones are no longer bygones.