Ok,
The "urge" to consume has actually hit me now. This is how it happens always:
1) I fall off and binge
2) I justify the binge
3) I get caught or I confess usually sending me into an, "I don't care about anything and anyone" frame of mind, allowing me to justify binging even more.
4) I wake up the next day...... oh the guilt. What did I do?
5) Anxiety, depression, fear and self loathing all day
6) I apologize and smooth things over
7) Things feel repaired and back to normal
Here's where I am at right now:
8) Now that everything is fine, I can drink again, just hide it more carefully
9) I'm in an emotional tug of war with the side of me that says no! and the side that says YES!
I know I can do this and say no. This is horrible to confess, but, my guy just left to run an errand and the only thing I am thinking about is, "No one will know. Just a little and that's all. It won't be too bad to have a little (which NEVER remains a little.)"
This is where I'm stuck.... #8 and #9. If I can make it past this phase, I'm pretty sure I won't screw up and drink tonight.
