Thank you Ann. Really, thank you.
I knew that but I needed to read it. I took my first steps about an hour ago - she was very upset as her friends were arguing in her flat and instead of calling her incessantly until she answered (which I usually do, then realise I have nothing to say except cry and apologise endlessly to her) I just said "try to calm down. they were out of order and when they come back calmer explain to them that it isn't okay and relay those boundaries. let me know if there's anything I can do for you" and left it.