Today will be my day one..... Again.
I'm tired of the lies, the guilt, the control that this disease has on me. I have not vocally told anyone my struggles. I have become very good at hiding it. I don't know if I even quite understand my problems But I am not the person I want to be, for my kids, for my husband and for myself.
I was sober for a the month of April and it was so hard..... So hard, I cried all the time, I was angry with myself for not being able to drink like a normal person. Everyday was like I was drowning and just having a drink was a life raft. I remember that first drink after a whole month of sobriety. I wish I never had it . I don't want this life. I am not the drink.
I'm sooooo scared. Summer is hard, everyone is drinking like everyday, it's sunny, let's drink, sitting at the beach, let's drink. Having a bbq, let's drink. Lunch time, lets drink.
I don't know if I can do this alone, I feel so alone.
