The suck hole of early sobriety
Ahhhhhh, I forgot what this felt like.
The one glass of wine to alleviate feeling like I was dying, creeped its way into a beer, a bottle of wine, a few shots of tequila and a toke off a one hitter.
It progresses, exponentially, without permission and quite literally as if by magic, right before my eyes.
The cravings are borderline unbearable.
My brain is screaming out for what my body is in utter protest to.
I even, EVEN, me, what ? Who ? Went to see my GP today to have a frank and honest discussion about Lexapro.
What has my world come to ?
After I slapped some fried rice concoction together for something that vaguely resembled a meal, while clenching my jaw that led to all out teeth grinding, I remembered what used to soothe me when my parents would be half in a bag by 6:00 pm.
I jumped on my bike and took the hell off. For hours. I vowed to stay out until the cravings passed. After 2 and a half hours of manic peddling, my thighs were melted, my clothes soaked from perspiration that I wasn't even aware of, and my brain felt like it had been electrocuted.
But the cravings lingered.
Then, I had no choice but to pull out the big guns.
Ice cream. WITH Hot fudge.
That finally worked.
Cautiously optimistic.