Unmanageable meant I said yes when I wanted to say no. I did things that I was ashamed of, hurt people that I loved, and generally couldn't be happy, joyous, and free. Working and living the 12 steps gave me the ability to work through my fears, anger, and hurt so that I wasn't suffocating from them.
I was powerless over alcohol; what it was doing to my loved one, and how I reacted to it. No matter how I thought I should react, I couldn't make myself react properly and sanely without help. The power came from my group, my sponsor, and the tools they were teaching me to use. By myself, I am powerless. As long as I stay by myself, my life will be unmanageable.
Good news is that once I can really see that, and not try to pretend I can do it on my own, I can begin to plug into a power that can help. Learning that dependence on myself, dependence on a sick individual, or dependence on unhealthy ideas are not good dependencies. But dependence on a group of people who are focussed on the solution, are concerned about my well being, and aren't interested in what they can get from me is a good place to start learning healthy dependence.(Step 2)
The steps weren't some spiritual guru on a mountain ideas to me. I needed practical, simple things that I could understand and relate to. Today, I recognize unmanageability when I have turmoil inside. When I am off the path. I know today I need help when that happens. I don't have to beat my head against a wall. I can just reach out. That simple idea helped me to begin my journey into the steps. Hugs, Magic