Welcome to the Board, Winter. You've come to the right place.
I am totally devastated over this and I don't know where to turn why is there not more help for the families of addicts if this is a family disease why don't the rehabs have more resources for us?
Because rehab centers cater to the addict and/or alcoholic. There are hospitals where the social workers on staff will set up family meetings with the patient and the family, but generally speaking it's not under the purview of the rehab center to help the family.
With that being said, there are programs such as Al Anon and Nar Anon which are geared towards the loved ones of addicts and alcoholics. Like AA and NA, these are 12 Step based programs designed for the loved ones to regain control over their lives regardless of whether the addict is using or not.
But let's get back to you. Twenty years is a long time to be dealing with this. I'm glad you've reached out, and others will be by to greet you and offer you support. My hope is you take advantage of this moment and start to take care of you. We'll be here to help you do that. It's far past time that you start.
Again, Welcome to the Board.