Chicory....I think that, in your above post, you have conceptualized the situation quite well.
I like FeelingGreat's phrase: "quietly and resolutely" !!. Actually, I think that for most challenges, that is the position of power.
When you say "Sometimes, you don't get what you need from your FOO".....I am going to nominate that as the saying of the day!...LOL.
Probably, most all of us could testify to that!
Sometimes, it DOES take a village.
God knows, I couldn't be where I am today if not for some strategic help from those outside of my FOO.
Also, chicory, don't put yourself down....that is not very supportive to your self-esteem.
Every time you do that....you should drop to the floor and give us 10 push-ups!
Or.....put a nickel in the jar....
dandylion