Sungrl - you don't sound totally heartless, many do things like that (my dad does!) but he doesn't even know about my plans.
I'm not blaming myself....not really. I am still in that habit of seeing myself as others might, I guess.
I'm still going to see if I can get the house. But it is making it more difficult of a decision.
If you were to see him, cancer wouldn't be a surprise. We are both 6'0 tall...and he weighs 145 lbs on average, doesn't eat right, smokes too much weed, drinks too much, and just generally doesn't talk care of his body. I'm upset but I think I'd be more upset if he had tried to give his body a better chance once he was in remission the first time.