Originally Posted by
Mizzuno 
Okay. I dont know how to do this whole dying thing. I dont know how to listen to my 36 year old sister tell me that she is giving up and doesnt want to live anymore. So, after hearing all of her pleas and wiping her tears and sobbing with her, i came home and drank myself into a sobbing horrible mess. On the bathroom floor mess. WTF? I was in therapy. I was over a year sober and then i jumped off a cliff. Yesterday was my worst drinking day since resuming drinking. I was fully aware of my alcoholism the whole time. I just didnt care. Im rambling. Grieving sucks and its detrimental.... .i wish i could stop crying.
Grief is so difficult.... I drank for most of the past 5 years because I didn't want/know how to grieve.... It finally caught up with me.... drinking became more painful than feeling the feelings. I needed support, and people to hold me as I screamed & cried. I think none of us really "know" how to grieve well at first, but I agree with others that alcohol only creates more issues... sending you peace & light for the days ahead.