Your right Clem...your patterns do sound a lot like mine. Black outs happened to me so frequently I think (geezus) I actually became quite blase about them. If I was out on the town (as opposed to having a bottle of wine at home)...I doubt I could ever tell you how much I had to drink. Lots was about the only answer remotely close to recollection. It's ridiculous to realize that getting "wazoooed" really didn't strike me as a "problem".
One time, as this is something a friend and I actually chuckled about later. I was at some beachside patio with friends...drinking red wine...then martini's. Apparently I needed help getting out of the restaurant. It was actually a very nice restaurant and my stumbling and staggering caused quite an interruption to the diners. I guess they were all staring at the staggering drunk.
One of the gals in my crowd piped up...what are you all looking at? You should be ashamed of yourselves, she has MS for crying out loud!"
Ya....not funny.
I know that last year when I was much more terrified of being able to get and stay sober...I just stayed very much "in the moment". I just promised myself I would take it one "situation" at a time. I would face sobriety one situation at a time. It's all I could think...and really, it's all I could do. (And it's really all I still do) But it worked well...until I forgot that I was still very much the woman who has to be helped out of restaurants or parties or weddings or family reunions when she drinks.