Sunday9, I've been thinking about you. Please do your best and take a stand. You menitoned that he hasn't even decided whether he's moving out. Don't wait for his decision, YOU make the decision and MAKE him come get his stuff.
I know this sounds easy from my perspective, but it is NOT an easy decision, hence why I stuck around for 12 years. PLEASE PLEASE take the high road now!
I felt like writing this because of the 4th of July. I too always have a pit in my stomach about any and all holiday's. I think in your situation, you have experienced the "fun" part of holiday's but if your exbf is truly an alcoholic, those holiday's are not much fun after a while and if you ever had kids with an A then it's even worse.
This last 4th, I had the VERY BRIEF moment of wanting my exah here until I remembered the true reality of what happened at a holiday's. Don't get me wrong, they weren't a 100% miserable but they certainly weren't your typical holiday's. I think we like the "image" of a family together and "fun" holiday together.
The first couple of years during all holiday's we had fun but when I look back I realize that I was being the enabler and codependent and not even realizing it...so was that really fun in the scheme of things? I think not.
Later, when the disease progressed, all holiday's started as a fun idea but ended in a drunk husband and father and a wife that once again picked up all the pieces.
A good example is when my oldest had his 7th birthday party, we had a pool party at our house and I thought it would be fun to invite the parents as well and make a BBQ of the whole thing for everyone. I specifically ask my exah not to drink too much because it was going to be hectic and I would need his help. 2 hours into the party, every parent was telling me how drunk my husband was...how flipping embarrassing at my sons birthday party!!!
Other holiday's were almost identical, whereas the idea and beginning of the party had great intentions but in the end it was all about dealing with my exah drunkeness...what a shame and even more of a shame was that ever holiday or any family function always started with good intentions and ended with me taking care of EVERYTHING!!!
Sunday9, I know it's hard and if I can have even the smallest say in preventing someone from going down the road all of us have once traveled with an A, I would do it everytime. Unfortunately, we are also stubborn people because if someone would have told me what my future would have looked liked with my AH, I know I wouldn't have listened, I would have thought that I was different and "special" and he wouldn't do any of that to me. The problem is, it's not about us or how great we are, it is and always will be about them!
The irony is that you never know who will be sucked in by A's. I had an amazing upbringing, amazing parents and siblings, a college education and completely independent. I actually had no desire to marry and figured if it's meant to be, then so be it. I was financially secure, owned my own house and had a great job when I met my A and I waited into my mid 30's before marrying him and none of that mattered...they are good, real good. I'm surprised that I fell for it all. But, the one thing I have always been is a "fixer" I can fix ANYTHING, be it problem solving or mechanically and I think that subconciously, I knew he needed to be "fixed" so I spent so much time trying to make that happen. Realizing you can't fix them I believe is part of the heartbreak and failure we feel when we finally get out of the situation...surrender is hard for us "fixers'.