Feeling a little lost...
This is my first post and I am honestly terrified of the road I know I must travel. It’s been clear to me for a while that I am “different” in how I relate with alcohol and the pull that it has on me. But I have been trying to negotiate with that reality, with the predictable results on my emotional and physical health. Having just turned 30 last month and finally witnessing the actual physical toll it is taking on me, I have decided that I will not allow alcohol to be the defining attribute of my life.
But I know what I am in for – at least initially – as I have quit before for brief periods. The occasional pressure to drink socially can be a difficult load to bear – but I know it is bearable. Where things get terrifying for me is the tsunami of once hidden emotions that I know will pummel me. Loneliness in particular is going to devastate me. I have built my life around being alone. It drives my politics, my theology, and my relationship decisions. I have even had a twisted sort of pride in having a high tolerance for being alone. Turns out, much of this may just have been alcohol consumption masquerading in my head as a legitimate substitute for human interaction.
Either way, I am resolved to quit because the toll of drinking is too much for me to continue living this way. I am just wondering if anyone else struggles with the same sense of loneliness.