Last night was really awesome. My 6 year old princess is really amazing. She said some things last night which really opened my eyes. I really do humble myself and learn from my baby girl. She said on her own "I am so happy! Thank you for giving me the best 4th of July ever!" That statement made me realize that I am the only one focusing on what was "lacking". She was completely fulfilled and happy with yesterday's events. Her facial expressions with every firework and the way she danced to the music that accompanied the fireworks in the fireworks show just made my heart melt. She really was so happy!
She also said "I never do fun things like this with Daddy." If I am honest, separated AH always just did the bare minimum for holidays, which is not who I am at all. He was abandoned and neglected as a child so holidays were never made a big deal of in his childhood. So his view on holidays were not the same as mine. I am corny. I decorated our living room yesterday with little decorations from the Dollar Tree so she would wake up to something special. I bought her rocks and paint from The Dollar Tree as well and as we waited for the fireworks show last night we painted rocks red, white and blue designs. Those are things we never would have done if separated AH was in the picture. This is where growth is coming through my pain and I am realizing...I really was not happy with him and who he was progressing into.
Although holidays are rough and it seems like every one is a little happy family...I realize I already have a little happy family. Things may be rough but I was in control yesterday. I was not worrying about if he was going to drink too much or when he was sober if that was going to be the day he relapsed, etc...I was in control of my day and things went as planned and my daughter was so happy. Shame on me for making it about myself before. I feel so lucky to have her. She is really teaching me all I need to know, and she is only 6 years old. Who needs a therapist? Lol!!
Thanks everyone for your support.