I started learning the CRAFT method a couple months ago. I heard about it through another member here. I spend a long time going through chapter two, drawing the roadmap, looking for triggers and studying patterns of behavior with my husband. For me right now its been a little different because he is in recovery from substances, but has been having serious anxiety issues. According to his doctor part of it is PAWS symptoms and part underlying emotional issue. Ive been using CRAFT to help me map it out, define triggers, and look at my behavior in relation to these anxiety attacks. I also spent a lot of time going back a year to when he was using and drawing the map based on his use of substances. I know this may sound confusing, but its been working for me.
A couple things might help you is to remember when your looking for ways to alter the map/behaviors you have to think about his patterns, and what will motivate him. He goes to work and when does he start drinking? Does he drink on the job or wait until after work? Does he enjoy picking the kids up from school? If not then it might not be a motivator in and of itself. Is there an after school activity he enjoys doing with them, or meeting up with you to do something special where he would be motivated to be sober? Its about what motivates him, and to start it may not be something as simple as everyday he will pick up the kids and this will cause him not to drink.
For my husband and his anxiety, here is a simple example. I usually talk to him during the day while he’s at work. Sometimes there is interaction with a specific person there and it almost always causes him stress. Ive linked their interactions with his becoming more anxious even after leaving work. (According to his doctors anxiety issues are a risk because they trigger the desire to use in order to block these emotions, so I want to do what I can to help diffuse). If I can tell this is going on, then I often suggest we do something specific after we get off work. Something we mutually enjoy and I know will help him de-stress. Does this make sense?
CRAFT doesn’t promote detachment from your husband, your right. Because if you detach from the person then you are detaching from the opportunity to encourage change and improve your relationship. It does however encourage you to detach from unwanted behaviors like your husband’s drinking episodes. What consequence’s does he have for drinking around you? Not in terms of arguing with him, but for example can he feel an unwanted distance from you when he drinks vs when he doesn’t?
There are some articles on CRAFT in the secular family forum. You might also want to check out SMART recovery. I am a member there and post on their online forum and chat. They have family meetings both online and face to face. I have never been to a meeting through SMART, but I am taking online classes through another source, and meeting people using the program. I will send you a pm with some info if your interested.
Also remember the goal is to encourage him to get/continue treatment for his drinking issues. The inner desire will be his own because he wants to change.
If your husband is a long time drinker he probably has well defined patterns. Don’t rush the mapping part, and keep reading the book because its got a lot more in there about how to stop enabling, better communication, and remembering to take care of yourself in this whole process.
If you follow the link in this thread might be helpful to you: (it says parents 20 minute guide but the same link will lead you to the Partners 20 minute guide).
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ide-craft.html
Ive started reading this new CRAFT book and I cant hardly put it down!!
Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change: Jeffrey Foote, Carrie Wilkens, Nicole Kosanke, Stephanie Higgs: 9781476709475: Amazon.com: Books
The GYLOS book to me is sort of like a textbook and requires a lot of contemplation. This new book is written different and is very easy to read. Smart also has a great handbook to accompany the GYLOS book and Im told it goes along with their meeting structure.
Sorry this is post is a little bit of a ramble, but pm me if you want to chat.