K8, everybody has feel total despondent and lonely and uncertain about life at some time or other. Especially us drunks. Until you fully accept that booze only taking you FURTHER down this path and you commit to stop, is nothing gonna change.
Yes, is gonna be really uncomfortable. REALLY REALLY. I know, cuz it take me decades to do it. So imagine my regrets. You has to make commitment to you self. Prepare and allow you self to be uncomfortable. Get books and movie and binge watch some TV if you need to just check out for a week and not think. Go to AA or other group and find friend there. Just go and friend will find you. I can tell you teetering. Do you self big favor and just freaking jump and grab and go for it now, my friend. Cuz it only get harder and harder as time tick by.