Is it alcohol or is it me?
Hello Everyone,
I am only on day 1 and not feeling too good. Emotionally, I am a mess. So depressed and lonely. Every single person I know is in a relationship, getting married, married, or having kids. And I am 29 and have never had a relationship. Maybe that is because of ten years of alcoholism. I miss having friends. I have them, but they've all disappeared into relationships and family life and here I am alone. What a terrible feeling. Not sure how I've ended up like this when all I've ever wanted was to be loved.
People say it is impossible to be loved by another person if you don't love yourself. I used to love myself, but over the past five years and many many bad decisions, I don't even like myself right now. This makes it hard to be on the job market, which I am right now. My life just feels empty, which has made it impossible for me to put down the booze. I don't have a spouse or kids to care about and my friends aren't around so part of me thinks...no one cares if I am drinking except maybe my parents and they are in a different city.
I used to have an optimistic view of the future. But unemployment and my single status has me so depressed. I can't afford a therapist every week and I don't want to inundate the few friends I have with all of these problems. So the only solution i can think of is wine.
Has anyone else ever felt like this? Did quitting drinking make it worse or better?