Hopeful4, Thank you3x's! I believe that you are onto something there. Even though, NOT being manipulated and put-down was what I was aiming for, the conversation went on for a very long time. That time could've been better spent for BOTH myself and my AH, in a more productive manner, say....playing with our adorable puppy!
. Instead, we went around in circles, trying to prove who was wrong & who was right, trying to make the other person understand where each of us were coming from and expecting the other to have some kind of Ah-ha!moment, knowing full well, that probably isn't going to happen, at least not for right now, until we both become better, or we have a mediator to stop and intervene when things get off course(as the conversation did, several times).
The more I'm able to accept what I know in my heart to be true, and not worry whether he see's it as the truth or not, the better off I will be. That includes as well, not having to listen to him try to manipulate me and drag me down until I submit to him, even if I refuse and the confrontation goes on and on and on... It's time consuming and tiring, for both of us. Walking away would be optimal and certainly telling him, directly, clearly and concisely that I refuse to be bullied and manipulated by him and that is precisely what I see him doing, would or should be enough, over time, to get my message across. The sad thing is, that I might have to continually repeat that message, over and over, in the course of one confrontation, WHILE walking away, and still not be able to get him to stop. I've tried walking away before and he follows me. He won't allow me to get in my car and go get some air or sometimes even take a brief walk to cool off. I believe that he thinks as long as he's got me to where I either have to look at him or hear him, that he's got the upper hand, which us why my leaving when he was out and then not answering his phone calls after I had already made my escape, was just so infuriating to him. If like you said, I tell him what I'm not going to accept and he follows me around and doesn't allow me to get out of his sight and earshot, BUT the only response he gets from me, past that point is either nothing at all or the repetition of me telling him, "I will no lo ger allow you to put me down or manipulate me", that might get old to him, fairly quickly.
And that's why I love this forum and all of you! Each day is a new break-through.:-). Thank you again!