This forum is what I have needed. Like I said - I went to Al-Anon and just didn't feel understood there. I was scolded if I mentioned anything I have talked to y'all about. I couldn't talk about him. I have to get to that point somehow and have to talk about him for now.
I am not down on Al-Anon. There were many wonderful people and answers there. I just am not ready yet for that method. I am currently living with these HUGE problems daily. They were giving me "black and whites" when all I can see is grey. I am not saying any of us are wrong. It is just registering with me at this point. Maybe it will be someday. I hope.
So that is what I meant by "where do I belong" ....because I didn't feel going back to Al-Anon would help me until I got other answers and things out of my system. I seem to be able to do that here!!! I am off to an amazing start already!! THANKS again!!