ETA: For me that meant leaving. Not accepting it anymore. I was resentful because I was accepting the unacceptable - which was my problem not his. I have no idea how anyone detaches or manages to avoid resentments inside of a relationship. Not that it can't be done though.
Me too. I don't know how folks are able to accept the chaos and find serenity. For me it just wasn't possible. I can maintain my zen with insanity in small doses (as with vacationing with my mother and kids for a week last week), but not 24/7/365. For me it was too toxic and I just could not thrive.
If my XAH had success in recovery and was moving towards more measurable incremental changes in his life (like following his professionally-designed treatment plan with any commitment), I might have been able to continue moving forward together in the hopes we could recover our relationship, but I could no longer handle disappointment after disappointment and fight after fight.