If only he could find somewhere else to be. He has nowhere and nobody but me. People say to me that it's not my problem - he is. I know that but I can't toss him to the street. I can't put the final nail in his downward spiral. I know it is "he" who is really doing it but that isn't what my heart would feel. If something bad happened to him I would still have to carry that.
OK, guilt can be a big trigger when dealing with an A. They love to make their problems your problems and really lay on the guilt when you don't support them.
The thing is, it really isn't your problem. He has choices and he is making them. This may sound harsh but if he wants to drink himself to death he has the right. His choices are HIS choices.
You have the right to make the choices that are right for you. Just as his choices are none of his business your choices are none of his.
Tough place to be in, I know, been there, done that. Lifeguards are taught to save themselves first, it doesn't do them any good to drown with a swimmer who is fighting them. They will do all they can short of drowning themselves but at some point they will let go and save themselves. Sounds to me like you're starting to drown, it's ok to let go and save yourself.
The first step in the Al-Anon program is admitting that you are powerless over someone else's drinking. If he hits a point and wants recovery he can find it on his own. In fact the only way for him to find it is on his own.
Sending you hugs and strong thoughts.
Your friend,