m1k3 - You speak the truth. he always tells me nobody loves the "real" him....he always wants someone to love him for "who he is"....when he is drunk he says this is "who he is" .....and of course when he is sober he laughs when reminded of what he says then. I think I love the bad and the good ....yet things have gotten so bad they outweigh the good. he is losing what little good remains in him.
NYCD - you are also correct. I am natural born drama queen. My dad was an A. The only way I got his attention - via drama. No doubt I am addicted to the drama ABF brings to my life which is essentially boring w/o him but now boring sounds awesome. I don't respect who he is now nor can I trust him. Maybe these are good things for me and I am truly getting closer doing what is best for me.
If only he could find somewhere else to be. He has nowhere and nobody but me. People say to me that it's not my problem - he is. I know that but I can't toss him to the street. I can't put the final nail in his downward spiral. I know it is "he" who is really doing it but that isn't what my heart would feel. If something bad happened to him I would still have to carry that.