Originally Posted by
sunday9 
This is my first post. Have lurked for years. My ABF lives with me in my home that I own. No kids. We have pets. He sometimes pays rent. This has gone on for 7 years (minus 2 while he was in prison for dui). When he got out of prison his drinking got worse. He now drinks about 3x a week - usually at least 12 beers but he really needs 20 or more and a 2 day drunk.
I have gone to Al-Anon during this - the first go-round I only went a few times. Last fall I was at my rock-bottom and went to a few groups - sometimes 4x a week for almost 3 months. I bought a few books and wanted to work steps. Only problem -- "it's about me...not about him"..... I couldn't and can't distinguish the difference there. It is ALL about him. It really is. He controls my life. He is a huge drunk - larger than life. Keeps me up all hours ...does scary and nutty things, pawns his tools, lets the dogs run loose, leaves with the doors wide open, sets huge fires in the grill at 4am. I have to be on watch when he is drinking. So I can't be normal or rested until he is sober for a day or so.
Besides insane, I am co-dependent. I don't have family ...except for my friends. I want this to work, be like it was when we met. He is yet again - off with a woman....knowing how it hurts me but later says he wouldn't do it if he were sober. I yet again will ask him to move and he will stall and beg or maybe even move again but trot back 2 months later just as I am getting over him. He says I push his buttons and make him so angry and I am guilty. I do it because of his disregard for me. So he leaves now as a woman he met at AA is at his moment's notice. And I am feeling guilty for pushing those buttons and not being ok with "who he is" and all. I feel like I should have turned the other cheek again just in hopes things might be better.
I need more help than my friends can give. I do want it to be "about me" but first I have to exorcise the pain he brings to my life and Al-Anon doesn't seem to be about that? Is there a place online I can do that? No $ for psych. I should be able to want him out of my life and give up already!!! I am sorry I ramble and am such a hot mess!
I still don't know how to do separate little quotes, one of these days I'll figure it out, but what I wanted to point out to you in the above is where you said
"I yet again will ask him to move and he will stall and beg or maybe even move again but trot back 2 months later just as I am getting over him"
I went through this. He would disappear for a few months, it was hard in the beginning, because my head was still spinning like I was in the "exorcist", when he was around I couldn't think, the only things that I was able to think about was to try to figure out how to stay out of his fights, I was hypervigilant. I wasn't able to think about me, I was too busy thinking about survival. This would last for about a week or 2, maybe even 3 weeks. I would then start to relax. My peace and serenity was coming back. I was able to think about me and start to eat again, start to shower again, start to go out, instead of hiding in my house. I would start to feel better and do nice things for me, because I wasn't "on edge" anymore. I swear he had some kind of a radar on that, because as soon as I was getting "me" back he would trot in and say, "did you get over it yet? we haven't fought in 2 months, you should have had enough time to let things go".
And my head started spinning again !!!!! I wonder why.
