Dandylion you are partly correct I'm trying to keep us together and not to cause conflict, choppy waters, as it usually only leads to a drunken argument. She's called me many things worse and apologizes the next day when sober. The leaving part would be on me she does not want anything to change. What would make her the happiest is if I forgot any of this ever happened and she could just get wasted every night. I do wonder if leaving her wouldn't be simpler then living through this mess.