Read over what you wrote again and ask yourself-why am I staying with a man who the country judge wont allow my son to be near and keeps me under his thumb?. You lost custody of your son because your husband is a drug addict and a threat to him.
Your husband is a bully, control freak and uses you for money. You now state you have 3 children at home who have to witness this behavior on a daily basis.
Why would you allow this? You deserve better and your children sure as heck do.
What is it that keeps you coming back for more abuse?
Id be packing my bags and running for the hills. Your children are in an extremely unhealthy environment.
Whether your ex paid attention early on in his life or not, he is doing your son a favor by taking him out of this horrible situation and you even admit that. Be glad he is a caring interested dad now. Please do not allow your other children to be witness to this any longer.