Well I feel I have blown all. Got saved from speed acid pot alcohol and the lifestyle that goes with that. Got radically "saved" ( Christianeze) felt the calling of God became a youth pastor walked with God for 24 years burned out in leadership wanted to leave my position in Church Pastor would not let me, but one day my Son got into trouble that ended him up in jail so the Pastor sent the assistant Pastor to tell me I was being released then got depression struggled with all that goes with Christians and depression started on the pills and here I am feeling like God should not waste His time on me because I have blown it.