I know this voice, sadly I know it all too well.
But here's my dilemma......after I read this and I knew what you wrote was so true, I texted my STBXAH for the first time in a long while. I feel like someone told me the burner was hot and I had to check it out for myself, all while knowing it was hot.
I can't figure out what triggered me enough to text him. Is it fear? Is it me refusing to accept it? I am still refusing to admit I am powerless? Am I just taking his temperature?
I regret texting him. I really don't want anything to do with him especially while in active addiction. Thankfully, he didn't take the bait and ignored me. That has become our new dance! He texts me, I ignore it unless it's relevant. Now he is doing the same. I am the ultimate buzz killer.
Any helpful thoughts are welcome.