Hi ChinChillin,
It reads to me as if you have many unresolved psychological and personal issues which need to be faced head on, and that alcohol is an escape from these tough issues in your life. In my opinion, if you dealt with each issue one by one, in a sober state, then the urge drink would rapidly diminish.
I say this because it seems to me that you are using alcohol to either inebriate yourself from the reality of a difficult situation, and/or fill in the void in your life.
Identifying the issues (such as your family issues, and previous rejection by your partner) and working through them will help enormously, perhaps to such an extent that you won't even be able to believe the progress you make.
I am by no means an expert in addiction, but this response is built on the foundation of personal experience. Good luck ChinChillin
