jdooner

Serious question, not meant for you to answer or to shame you. Have you included AA on your inventory? If not you should. You may want to look at the turn around and your role in this resentment. If you can be real honest and conclude it is tied to your son's death I bet this is a good starting point on why you resent it so much.

To me desy, everything is tied to you being stuck at that moment in time. You have much fight, as do I. Sadness and pain are easily substituted with anger, at least for me. We lash out, as it's easier than grieving. But the steps don't work this way. We need to release to move forward. I think I am just getting this now actually. I need to release the lonely, scared, hurt kid inside me in order to move forward with my program. Yet, my will and mind have been the only things to save me. But have they really? How did I get here? This paradox is starting to crumble and the path is being shown to me by my higher power, not God. It has guided me and with this guidance is still pain that I need to endure.

I have never lost a child and I hope I never do. But I lost myself early on in my youth. And I have been lost ever since. I can't be alone in my own head and so I have become addicted to anything and everything that gets me out of my head. But to deal I have to release this boy who is terrified, bloody, left for dead.

I am sorry for your pain. I can feel it desy. But I hope you can release it and move forward. I hope my experience can help play some small role.