Thank you for sharing what must have been a very difficult post to write. It's very brave of you to share so honestly but also recognize that you are still too emotionally involved to be able to be just a friend. You already seem to know you can't save him. And your actions tell me you also know that you can save yourself. This is one of the most difficult things you will ever endure, and if you can get through it, you will find yourself much stronger on the other side.