NightsWatch

First, I want to say that this post is one big "IMO" and very specific to my personal issue with drinking. That's probably obvious, but I want to emphasize that I don't believe there is a one size fits all for alcoholism or the treatment of.

So I tried AA before and despite being encouraged over and over by my therapist and the outpatient program I went to, I just couldn't get into it. Not just because of the higher power stuff, but I couldn't accept the idea that I am "powerless". My life became a mess partially because I wasn't willing to take responsibility for it; I didn't take ownership for all the decisions I made, big and small. Usually the worst decisions were not making a decision, because it allowed external factors take control of my life. So I believe the only way for me to get back on track is to empower myself, not the opposite.

I think my particular brand of problem drinking is a symptom of bigger issues, namely depression and anxiety. I drank to avoid feeling those things. I also drank sometimes to avoid feeling boredom. The point is, I used drinking as a way to avoid feeling things I didn't want to feel. Or when I wanted to make my brain shut up (I think too much). So tackling the drinking itself doesn't really solve the underlying problem. Since I've curbed my drinking, I've spent (wasted is more accurate) way more time watching TV or surfing the internet than I care to admit. So I've basically transferred excessive drinking to doing other things excessively. (Why am I here at 4am??)

Also, I don't want to diminish the difficulty of overcoming our addiction to alcohol, but I think it's more helpful to look at it as something we CAN manage. On a list of the hardest addictions to break, alcohol actually isn't #1. It's food. Anyone who has tried to lose weight knows this, and yet some people manage to lose weight, and some even manage to keep it off. I think "love" was on there too (yes, it can be an addiction!). I can attest to that given how hard it was to leave my relationships. But I digress.

So the point of this post - I was introduced to ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) through a book my therapist recommended called, "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" by Steve C. Hayes and Spencer Smith. I've tried a lot of things to get my drinking under control, and this is something that has worked the best for me. It's not perfect and I'm not suddenly living the life I want, but it has helped and I think it could be helpful for others, particularly those with a cerebral bent.

The thing it has helped me the most with is the craving for alcohol. It doesn't lessen the intensity of the desire (it still creeps up on me at night when I would want it SO BAD), but it allows me to let myself feel that desire, without needing to do something about it. Just observe and acknowledge the feeling. The desire usually passes eventually, as all feelings do. This has also buffered my depression a bit; no matter how crappy I feel, I remind myself to let myself feel it, observe it, and know that it will pass. Fighting or ignoring or covering up the feelings with booze or Cheetos usually makes things worse. Anyway, it's an alternative for those interested in trying something different.

I also want to say that if you try it and it doesn't work, try not to beat yourself up or feel bad. I learned that the hard way. The more I'm able to forgive myself and treat myself with compassion when I screw up, the faster I'm able to pick myself up, dust myself off, and try again. Never stop trying. I believe everyone has a method (or more likely, a combination of methods) that works best for them.