I think I'm still fuzzy on what detaching means then. I totally agree with detaching by putting physical space in between yourself and the other person. Which is why we're separated, but I cannot detach (detaching means not reacting for me, I guess) very well when he's in my personal space…which I pretty much consider to be my home when I'm in it. I guess he could have removed himself to another room in the house but I think it's belittling of me to suggest it to him (RAH, go to your room) and he didn't suggest it either.
On Saturday however, I was in the middle of cooking dinner so me leaving/walking away/retreating just wasn't an option. He can't cook, my kids needed to eat and we cannot go out to eat because both girls have food allergies. Really, the easiest solution here was for him to leave. He was doing black and white thinking. Like either he was going to stay put exactly where he was or we needed to legally separate and divorce. What I'm hearing is that I need to remove myself if he won't willing remove himself. My initial reaction is that that isn't fair but it's probably healthier and sets a level of consistency that conflict = personal space & time to cool down. Sounds like boundary territory.
When the husband and wife, or boyfriend and girlfriend, are sleeping in separate bedrooms, living in separate rooms, etc., that is not a relationship. Not to me, anyway.
I don't understand what you're saying. I'm not in a relationship because my husband doesn't live with me? If we didn't have young kids, I would agree, there wouldn't be much compelling me to stay and keep working. My husband and I are already separated. He doesn't live in my home. Maybe we'll move back in together someday and maybe we won't. For today we don't live together but we still love each other and we still are married and in a relationship together. If that's not worthwhile for you, that's fine, but I actually am okay with this setup and think it's healthier at this point in his recovery and mine (and by extension, healthier for our children) than sleeping in the same bed together every night when we're having trouble communicating. I don't know how people do early recovery without separation, there is no way I could swing that. I just wish that we both had better conflict resolution skills when we're not getting along because having disagreements is an unavoidable part of being married.