I have been following this thread since it began. I've been traveling for business, then on vacation, etc. etc. and just checked in to see where things stood. Things have gotten NO WHERE for some time, Chicory! I know you're talking about babysteps but nothing is going to change until some action takes place and your son continues to take advantage of you as you tip toe around his feelings and don't want to stir his pot. You mentioned in an earlier post wondering if there were issues with you having your 42 able-bodied adult son still living at home... do you think? I agree with other posters to have your law enforcement SIL present and have THE talk. What is the date for THE talk? I'm sorry to sound harsh, but perhaps you need a little nudge with a boot and set boundaries for yourself even? (e.g. My list of resources my son can use will be finished by X date. My intervention script will be written by X date. "The talk" will happen on X date. Etc.) He will howl and yell and say he needs the internet to look for jobs and/or contact the resources. Great! That's what libraries are for! You set his goals for him WITH dates (since he's not capable of setting his own goals) and if those goals aren't hit, he is OUT. And the worst thing you can do is go back on your word and not stick to the goals and boundaries you have set for him. You will be amazed at how resourceful he will become when he has not other choice. I wish you luck and Godspeed.