chicory---absolutely....you need internet access. That is your connection to being able to find out information..to learn about and identify resources.
I am all for self-examination and taking responsibility....but, be careful on too much self-blame for this situation. How a person turns out in terms of personality, etc. is a very complex interplay of life factors...from genetic to all the forces brought to play in the environment. You can often see very opposite children from the same family--raised in very similar ways. What I am saying is that it isn't ALWAYS just the "fault" of the mother! Mother bashing has been done for many decades in this culture.
At any rate..it is what it is now, in the present....the question is now what is to be done constructively to bring improvement?
No need to load up on guilt to make yourself feel even worse.
Fandy speaks the truth, of course....hope has to be combined with action...constructive action. An object in motion tends to stay in motion.....and same thing for inertia...LOL!
In addition to getting an appointment with a psychologist.....you know, there are internet support forums..just like this one for ADD(and other issues). You might benefit from doing some "exploring" there. I am sure that there would be a wealth of practical information, there...especially as to where the resources are.
Oh.....thanks so much for the raise...would it be too much to ask for a longer lunch hour...?