A big breakthrough for me was reading "Getting Them Sober", by Toby Rice Drew. A wonderful book. Not really about getting the A sober IMHO. It teaches you to detach, to focus on yourself. I'm still angry and hate my AH (were divorcing and he's torturing me) but it no longer is consuming my life.
Keep reading here, your on your way to finding some peace.
I personally compare the detaching from the A as going through the same steps of grief. If I remember they include denial, anguish, anger, and acceptance. Good luck.