Welcome to you four812. There is a lot of support for you here at SR, and on the Secular Connections forum. When I first found SR, it was a great comfort to me to read about others who were just like me. There was nothing special about me and my experiences after all. Part of that was the idea that misery loves company, but there was a lot more than that. I learned about others and how they succeeded in finding their way out of their darkness.
You say that you 'have to' stop your crack cocaine use. You will begin to see your way forward when you start to accept your reality and use other verbs. I 'needed to stop' drinking, but nothing happened until I started to say, I must stop drinking, I shall stop drinking dammit, and then with a great sense of relief, I said that I had stopped. That last drink I had the day before, was the last drink I would ever have. That was almost three years ago now.
Along the same lines of word choice and how we see things, I have come to understand that quitting is something that only happens in the present moment. Saying that I was going to quit meant and accomplished diddly squat. The rubber met the road when I finally said that the drink I had had the day before was the one, not the one in front of me or the one I would have next.
People quit their addictions all the time, every day. You can decide to be one of them. Today. You CAN do it, and you deserve to have a life without this garbage in your life. You deserve to be at peace, to find joy and beauty, and your own measure of happiness. You deserve to be free.
Best to you, Four812. Onward.