FireSprite, I think you said it perfectly! It's been my experience in Alanon that some choose to stay w/their spouse/significant other while others do not. Sometimes the choice to remain is a purely economic one while the non-A finds a job and does what's needed to become self-supporting before leaving the A. There is no judgment about whatever choice is made; people are individuals in individual situations.
When I showed up at my first Alanon meeting, all turned inside out and crying, I was so ANGRY at my A I was ready to leave him right that second. He hurt me and I wanted him out of my life RIGHT NOW, if not sooner! The wiser heads at Alanon asked me a little about my situation and asked if I felt in financial or physical danger if I remained there. Once I told them that it was a marriage of 17 years and no, I had no fears of violence or bankruptcy, they advised me to give it a year before making such a big decision. The thinking behind that was that I was clearly not in my right mind, and a year of working on myself would give me a much more accurate picture of what I really wanted and how to get there.
Naively, I felt that the problem/fault was all HIS, and if only alcohol was removed from the picture, life would be rosy. Well, between Alanon and SR, I found out this was NOT the case, and while I hadn't caused and couldn't control or cure his drinking, there was a whole crapload of stuff that I DID have control over--and the nasty surprise was, it was all about ME! Hmm, imagine that...
So anyway, a year has come and gone. My A is in recovery. I've learned a lot about me, changed a lot about me, and have realized that recovery is an ongoing process for both of us. For now, staying with him is still the right choice, but like they say, I'm taking it "one day at a time."
Wishing you success in your own recovery, and hoping that Alanon can help you w/those issues that AA doesn't necessarily address.