chicory---you speak so much about feeling so alone with this....and, I know exactly what you are talking about. It is TOO MUCH to go through alone! I don't see your family as giving you enough tangible, practical help to prevent you from feeling alone.....
Chicory ---you need more help from the world outside the family. What is preventing you from getting it.....can you say? You need some face-to-face contact with others who know what you are going through and have had similar experience with this.
Please go to those organizations that I gave you and ask for help. Help for him and help for yourself. You could use alanon, a good psychologist to guide you, and a parent support group.
You will have to start turning over rocks, yourself. If you do--you will find the help. And, if you are a church-going person....there is a good place for support.
Action...on your part is the best defense against feeling "frozen" and keeping depression away from the door. Action. A. C. T. I. O. N.
Please get some support for yourself....some soft places to fall...where they know how to help you.
dandylion