Excellent question Elizabeth. My husband went into rehab and found many excuses not to go to AA. He joined a men's social group and was in that for about 7-8 years. Then turned into a workaholic. Not necessarily at work, but around the house. He does get on my nerves. Compulsive is the word that comes to mind. God help me when he gets everything done.
Our son has never gone to rehab but is working a program, attends AA several times a week, has a sponsor whom he calls almost daily. He said his sponsor wants to start working the steps. He admits to getting up to the 3rd and never going any further. He said he ready to do them now.
Just a tad of info on my situation....my husband is an occasional dry-drunk, but I've gotten so bold (stronger) that when he gets a hair up his ***, I call him on it immediately and he backs off. Sometimes he gets happy again, other times he'll sulk.
Our son asked me a few weeks ago if I would bring to his attention if I felt he'd been a real **it, and husband piped up and said, Yeah, you can guarantee she will. Now that made me very happy.
Blessings