Hi there... sending you some peace and understanding...this stuff sometimes happens. Ever make a list of all of the horrible things you COULD have done and didn't? Because there's certainly more! Even if they're preposterous, sometimes I make those lists to remind myself...it could be worse. And it usually makes me smile. You're doing okay. Really.
Life ain't a straight walk up the mountain. Or a short one for that matter. Just keep your eye on where you're headed and bring a big old backpack full of self-love and forgiveness... and keep on hiking.
Hugs.